Samantha Puckett's Online Blog
by SkaterDemon
Summary: Sam Here. If You have anything you wanna ask or If you need advice on something, Ask Away Buddy. I'll try to give you an advice -- well, a sane one.
1. Chapter 1

**Sam Puckett's Online Blog  
Written by me, Sam Puckett.**

Hey. You might be wondering why I made this blog, when I could do some other stuff like beat some random dude on the street.

Blame it on Carly and Freddie fellas. They teamed up against me and now I'm trying to win a bet.

I could've just refused but Sam Puckett NEVER loses a bet. Never.

So now here I am, sitting in front of dorkwad's laptop typing something in our website's blog. (But don't tell him I've been using his laptop without his permission. Unless you wanna end up in a hospital of course, then have it your way.)

If you have any question or inquiries or things that just bug you then ask away. A few kids on school already asked and I'm answering them right now.

**1. When are you going to return my pants?**

I know it's you Gibby, so put a sock in it. With regards to your question, well, maybe when my mom's done using it as our cat's litter box cleaner.

**2. Left over oil or toilet bowl water?**

Left over oil.

**3. Why do you like to pick on Freddie?**

Because I'm usually bored. Freddie's just an invitation for fun.

**4. Why do you like ham?**

Why are you a person? Why are you asking me that kind of question?

**5. What does it feel like working?**

Torture. Working is only for losers who don't have a best friend that you can hang out all day with and get free food from.

**6. I love your fashion sense! Do you mind me using it too?**

Thanks. And YES I do mind if you use it. Think of your own style.

**7. Let me guess…you're currently eating at the moment.**

How did you know? Hey, am I being taped here or something?

**8. You're eating the food out of our fridge again, aren't you sam?**

I'm not! Hold on…carly?! *throws sandwich*

I think that's it, send in your question. I will try to answer them on my next blog.

And now that carly knows that I'm eating, I have to go and think of an excuse.

Catch ya later,

Sam


	2. Chapter 2

**Sam Puckett's Online Blog  
Written by me, Sam Puckett**

I didn't get ANY questions at all or anything in my first blog. Figures. But anyways, I know who you are people, you better run.

Carly and Freddie are out running some errands and I'm waiting for them here. Carly let me use her computer when I told her that I'll be doing the essay assigned to us.

Speaking of essay, I'm gonna get some ham. BRB.

Okay, SOMEONE ATE THE HAM!

Anywho, let's start shaking, shall we?

**Will you ever love a guy?**

Love? If that guy is the world's fattest priest or a ham vendor, then I might.

**If your house got burned down and you were to choose to stay with Gibby or Freddie, who would you pick?**

I'd stay with Freddie. At least he doesn't wake up in the middle of the night screaming. If he does, then I might be forced to kick him somewhere he doesn't wanna get kicked.

**What do you want for Christmas?**

Ham. Gravy. Sock puppet.

**Can you give me advice on this? Someone has been stealing things from my locker and I have a hunch it's my best friend. I don't want to confront her because I might hurt her feelings but I don't want to lose something again. Help please?**

Tell me the name of your best friend and I'll kick her butt for you.

Um, kidding. First, you have to make sure it's her. Not some other dude who wants to steal your stuff. And then, if you're sure it's her, as in, 100 percent sure, you have to say something to that chick. You did say that you don't wanna lose something again. You shouldn't care if she gets hurt and stuff; she's the one who did something wrong. Hope that helps.

**Do you know Nathan Kress? I heard he's really hot.**

Never heard of him. I frankly don't care about anything hot—except if its food or someone caught on fire. That'd be cool.

**I want to play a prank on my sneaky brother—what should I do?**

At last! I've been waiting for this. Listen, the next time her enters your room, put a bucket of gravy or slime or anything gross on top of your door's frame. That will keep him out.

Oh man, that's hilarious. I could just imagine it. Update me on what happens okay?

**Describe Miss Briggs in one sentence.**

Old, miserable hag leaving in an apartment all alone and lonely with her bagpipe and cat. She should get a life.

**OMG! OOOMMMGGG! It's Sam Puckett! THE Sam Puckett I watch in iCarly! I am a BIG fan! I have a collection of Pins, T-shirts, notebooks, pens, all with your face on it! You're my wallpaper in my laptop! Oh! I'm wearing custom designed Sam underwear too!**

My Gawd. Get a life woman.

**Is Carly a good kisser?**

How should I know?! Get your questions straight man.

**Where's Mandy? I haven't heard from her in a while.**

You should be relieved you haven't. with regards to your question, she's probably in her house doing the "Quack" thingie.

**You don't talk that much about your mom….is she sane?**

She is.

**If you hate Freddie so much, why don't you just quit iCarly or stop being friends with him?**

Good question. Next please.

**Why re you avoiding the question?**

Next.

**What's inside your locker?**

Books, notebooks, cookies, a bag of chips and day-old ham.

**why are you so addicted to ham?**

It's juicy, it's good. What's it to you?

I think that's all. Carly's here now with Freddie and she's nagging that I lied. And Freddie's just itching to start rehearsing.

_Freddie: come on Sam! Get your lazy butt over here!_

Ya heard that? He called me lazy. I gotta go, I have a dork that needs pummeling.

Catch ya later,

Sam


	3. Chapter 3

**Sam Puckett's Online Blog  
Written by me, Sam Puckett.**

People, people let's all clap our hands!

Why? For I have just pulled the ultimate prank on dorkwad.

Okay, it was like this. During lunch time, dorkwad brought a home made sandwich made by her mom. (Of course.)

Then, when he wasn't looking I placed a worm inside his sandwich. When he took a bite, I said, "Hey, I think there's something on your sandwich."

He went like, "what? There is no—OH MY GOSH A WORM!"

He immediately spit the piece of the sandwich that he was eating and ran around waving his arms like an idiot while rubbing his tongue.

It was hilarious.

The people in the cafeteria took their phones out and took a picture/video of it.  
That might seem like an ordinary prank right? Wrong, because here comes the best part. I took the 'worm' and waved it in front of his face.

"The worm's fake dorkwad."

YOU SHOUL'VE SEEN HIS FACE! Oh man, good times.

Oh well, fire away while carly's helping Freddie recover. Poor guy.

* * *

**Boris Yeltsin****:**

**I've got a question. Do you think Nevel should go to court for all the stuff he's done to try and get rid of iCarly, cuz a lot of it's illegal. Fraud in the fake car contest, complicity to commit murder by tricking Shelby Marx, I could go on and on.**

I agree. I'm kinda surprise he's not in prison yet rotting. But you know what would be awesome? If I beat the crap out of him first THEN throw him in prison myself. Yes, that's awesome.

**Have you ever experienced LSS? Also known as Last Song Syndrome?**

Totally. There was this one time when I was in the park waiting for Carly then an ice cream truck stopped by. I hummed the song it was playing for 5 hours. Carly had to lend me her PearPod to stop me from humming.

**What makes iCarly more awesome than the other webshows?**

It's simple; you get variety.

**How many times have you been asked to come to the principal's office and what are the reasons?**

Oh man, where do I start? The time when I pick on lower graders…the time when I put different animals in Miss Briggs trunk… when I set our biology lab on fire…I can go on and on you know.

**What makes you and carly get so 'turned on' on seniors?**

They're hot.

**So I'm hot them? I'M A SENIOR! I wear glasses, vests, I have 2 awesome buck teeth, and I'm good at algebra. I'M A SENIOR!**

I'd rather date a 7th grader.

**Why is Freddie so hot?**

Let me guess, you're blind aren't ya?

**Do people still visit 'nevelocity' even after all the things nevel did to you?**

Yeah…apparently his 'fans' are stupid.

**When you sleep at night, what do you dream about?**

Food.

**You daydream a lot in class don't you?**

How'd you know?

**um…intuition? *rolls eyes***

You're good then.

**I heard you love your family and you care for them.**

Yeah well, people hear a lot of things about me.

**How's your sister? Melanie right?**

I don't care. I think she's going to spend the holidays here. Ugh.

**Are you a fan of Michael Jackson?**

I personally love thriller.

**I LOVE BAGPIPES!!!!!!**

I DON'T CARE! Hey, what's the relation of that to me?

**YOU LOVE BAGPIPES TOO RIGHT?!**

Stop it with the caps. NO. Who said I do?

**Do you like candy? What's your favorite?**

Yes, I do like those teeth-rotting stuff. I like bubblegums and jawbreakers the most though.

**Why did you get carly's sandwich when you guys were still little?**

I was hungry.

**Advice please! How do you deal with a friend that back stabs you?**

Fight fire with fire. Do you get what I'm saying?

**Hey, I'm stuck in this situation I hope you can help.**

**You see, I have two best friends a boy and a girl and I think that they like each other. And, THEY DO. I want to get them together but they always fight and bicker with each other. IT'S ANNOYING. Although, I still know that they secretly like each other; they're just too good in acting. They won't admit their REALY feelings. What do I do?**

Hmm…that's kinda familiar… anyways, are your friends stupid or something? I mean, they know their real feelings but they're just too chicken to admit it. Losers. Here's what you do, set them up. Trap them in an elevator or something. Get them to admit their real feelings. Butt in if you have to.

**What's your favorite color? Why?**

Brown. And duh, it's the color of gravy.

**would you rather be EMO or NERD?**

I'd rather be an emo than to be a nerd. No way do I wanna be in the same type of specie Freddie is.

**Mr. Weymin****:**

**Sam, i have a question for you. You are probably resentful that not many boys like you, but think of it this way- it's because you're rowdy and agressive, not because you're bad looking. Actually, you're pretty good looking. I'd say you're better looking than Carly.**

I'm not resentful! Or…whatever that is. Yeah, that's probably right. And thanks for the compliment.

**HELLO !**

Hello there, weird guy.

**Sam, what would happen if you and carly never became friends?**

Hmm…I'd probably be kicked out of school and into juvie. :o

* * *

That's all I think. You people better start sending your questions, comments or anything.

For now, I have to go and rehearse iCarly. I wonder if freddie's eating something again..hmm…

This episodes gonna be a blast. Our 'messin' with lewbert' segment has become 10x better.

Catch ya later,

Sam


End file.
